The “Sex Positive” movement took over City College in February, when a foursome of student clubs sponsored an event to educate and discuss gender, relationships and sex in a safe and judgment-free environment. The four-day event leading up to Valentine’s Day featured a series of open and honest discussions on sex-related topics ranging from porn to safe sex practices to nude dancers’ unionization.
One of the more popular speakers — and more controversial — was Janet Hardy, co-author of The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures. Her arguments were engaging and disquieting. They forced self-reflection on personal biases and our understandings about the laws of sexual attraction.
During her Wednesday night forum, Hardy spoke at length about dispelling the idea of labeling gender and attraction. She touched on the subjects of kink and bondage and delved into the subject of non-monogamy, or speci fically polyamory, open and intimate relationships with more than one partner.
Hardy’s lecture challenged our preconceived notions and prompted some of us in the audience to revaluate our personal points of view on topics we smugly felt comfortable reporting on. She left us with an uneasy curiosity that demanded a weekend reading of her book, a how-to guide for managing multiple partners in a polyamorous relationship.
In their book Hardy and co-author Dossie Eaton redefi ne the o ffensive noun, “slut,” which usually refers to a woman of low moral character who has multiple sex partners.
According to Hardy and Eaton, “A slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.”
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We question if it is possible for multiple partners to maintain a truly healthy and happy relationship. It seems unlikely that someone would not wind up feeling left out or getting hurt. However, throughout Hardy’s lecture and the book, there is an emphasis placed on boundaries, consensual contact, and honest, clear dialogue among all parties.
Hardy forces us to examine our right to judge the sexual attractions of another human and to realize that we have a right to feel comfortable about our own attractions.
American society believes that the foundation of our democracy comes from the individual’s right to privacy and pursuit of happiness.
Yet, despite, a Civil Rights movement, the advancement in women’s rights, and now the growing acceptance of gay marriage, we still de fine those who diff er from the norm, not as citizens, but as minorities.
Despite our outward professions of tolerance, we still live in a nation of bullies who hide behind their own insecurities and narrow-minded views. And while we should be happy about society’s evolving acceptance, we should never say thank you for finally gaining the rights that were always ours.
