For college students, missing a day or two of school sometimes seems essential to reclaim a state of mind conducive to learning. After all, 16 straight weeks of drilled education can leave many, like Matthew Broderick in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, asking “How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?”
Of course, my own days off have never even come close to Bueller’s — no great escapes from overly inquisitive school officials, no dine and dashes at the crème de le crème of restaurants. Instead, what I get is a dash of the cold and daytime TV, lots of it.
It’s not that I like daytime television and its myriad cheesy programs. However, the sound of silence in an empty house is so depressing that I have come to welcome hearing the announcer speak, “like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.”
“I even thanked you for helping me deal with the death of my daughter,” said a blue-eyed blonde from the aforementioned daytime show, during my last sick day. After a few moments, I learn her name is Sammie. “You sat there, you sat there and watched us grieve over everything we’ve been through, and you did nothing.”
As the blond woman finishes her screed, the rising sound of sensationalist strings tell me its time to change the channel. Unfortunately I only come across a bloc of marathon commercials and even worse daytime television. No matter, I’ll watch some of “The Jerry Springer Show.”
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“The Jerry Springer Show” is a tiny step forward from the complicated artifice of “Days of Our Lives”, though not much of one. Lying on my bed, I learn about two gay men and their infidelities with women over a chorus of, “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”
It now dawns on me that I could be missing some real important information in class and I curse my sickness. As I think about what I am missing out on in my art history and journalism courses, the two men on the TV proceed to brawl as the audience applauds like hooligans at a soccer match. Afterward, they admit that they still love each other, and I quickly change the channel again.
I know there will be nothing rewarding on but I decide to give “The People’s Court” a try anyway, only to find my initial assumption was correct. As an old miserly man argues that a repair person did a faulty job on his house, I make a long overdue decision, click the off button and kill the noise box.
While a day off from school may seem like heaven to college students, unless you have a friend named Ferris, your ideal school time vacation may turn into daytime TV hell.
