Christine Carey | Managing Editor
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For the past five days I have started a new relationship with someone that I didn’t expect to pick back up until 2020. Well, it’s actually not a new person but it’s definitely with someone I didn’t expect to come around. I started a new relationship with my twin sister Danae.
This may seem odd to some of you students out there since twins are assumed to get along all the time. However, my relationship with Danae is the equivalent to how strange it was to see Michael Jackson get married to Lisa Marie Presley. Our relationship with each other to put it lightly is like a bulimic during thanksgiving dinner. After throwing everything up and out, we still came back for more.
After talking all week and sorting out our differences we decided to try and fix our dysfunctional relationship by talking shit about Hollywood and celebrities.We decided no matter how much we, at times, hated each other, we hated perfect people more. So we let the “Celebywood Hate-a-Thon” begin.
After bashing the normal blow sniffers, D-list drifters and the millions of slutty skirt lifters, we were boggled by one question: besides bed-hopping and bar-trotting, do any of these people have any part of their brain left? And if (by some friggin’ miracle) they do, do you think they vote or know anything about our government at all? We came to the conclusion that they play roles in movies like “Pearl Harbor” and think it’s fiction.
The more we thought about it, the more we began to see a link between our government and Hollywood.
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People all over the world take into consideration what the news tells us about the world and what’s happening around us and in our government. The world listens with ears open and, in my opinion, believes most of what they hear.
The same goes for Hollywood. There are big hit movies and celebrities selling big named products on television more than ever before and consumers are ready to buy them. Of course, the consumers don’t mind as long as the hired help is a blonde tanorexic with two silicone torpedos staring back at them and a Colgate smile. American manipulation never looked so good.
To get back on track, we basically think Hollywood is a way to control what people/consumers think about the government and politics through movies and big- name celebrities.For instance, the 9/11 Commission Report. This report is said to provide a full, accurate and complete account of what happened during the 9/11 attacks. Yes, this is a book, but Hollywood wants to make it a movie even though facts in this book have been disputed by the public. There are so many holes in this report that I don’t think it should have been published in the first place.
The American public is so dumbed down by these “ Stepford Wives” distributors that they will believe whatever is put out in a movie. Therefore, we will never receive the real truth about what happened that day. We will be fed the lies the government wants us to believe by the dumbest people on Earth. To make it worse, it’s all done in the name of looking at someone who will give you either a stiffy or hard nipples. How American.
After yelling for an hour about bimbos and giving ourselves cancer from our last pack of cigarettes, Danae and I agreed upon one thing. We went from Paris Hilton to 9/11 during a one-hour long conversation.
If that’s not the epitome of a dumbass American, I can’t tell you what is.
